oap50: The Housewife's Favourite by Michael Carpenter

Scroll down for the synopsis and cast of characters
Summary Performance History
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Script Notes
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Trevor is off to another of his not so secret meetings but his wife Sylvia has a secret of her own; when the cat’s away the mice will play. Sylvia has invited four friends and Dorothy to a secret girl’s only party. Learn the do’s and don’ts of vacuuming. Why you should never eat a curry whilst wearing rubber. The worst place to find an action man with gripping hands. And the best course of action when trapped in a sex toy.

The Cast List

A middle aged woman with middle age spread who is a widow to her husband’s business dealings. She loves her crimpolene pantsuits and thinks them the height of fashion. Her home is tidy but slightly boring and she is worried that she is going the same way since her children have left home for university. She is desperate to be seen as the perfect hostess and wife and is terrified of offending anyone.
Sylvia’s mother, the complete physical and mental opposite of her daughter. She looks like a deckchair in a cardigan, still rolls her own Woodbines and drinks Mackeson from the bottle. She is as crude as her daughter is polite.
Nicknamed Cough Syrup because she is a night nurse. At work she deals with life and death but at home she is a mother to two children or three if she includes her husband, which she does. She is Sylvia’s oldest and most sensible friend..
Ten years younger than Sylvia and several stone heavier. They met in the workplace and stayed friends ever since. Belinda plays darts for the local women’s league and is the captain of the local tug of war team. She is happy in herself but suspects she might be anorexic; when she looks in a mirror she really does see a fat woman looking back.
Sylvia’s next door neighbour and resident curtain twitcher whose favourite currency is gossip. She has the morals of a shaved alley cat and a face to match. She was the first in the street to get a microwave and a tanning bed and thinks they both work the same way; which may explain why she has a face like a dust bowl with more cracks than a builders bum. Her emotional compass has two settings sarcastic and very sarcastic. She is Belinda’s arch nemesis.
Sylvia’s ex next door neighbour, a religious and slightly naive woman who turned to the Lord when her husband passed away. After many years alone she has become a little...odd.
A 29 year old woman trying to start a new business door to door. She has styled her looks and fashion on the Hi-Karate women of the late 60’s and early 70’s.
Sylvia’s husband who thinks of himself as a social and business bigwig. The reality is he has a chip shop, ice cream van and piles. He and Sylvia have been together since their teens and now that their own teens have left home they no longer know how to be husband and wife.
A balding second hand car dealer who believes he looks rakish with a pencil thin Errol Flynn moustache instead of the Terry Thomas scoundrel he actually is. A fifty something wheeler dealer whose dealings only benefit himself.
A throwback to when England ruled the waves and waived the rules; a colonial clot who is easily foxed and sometimes badgered by the devious Clive. A fairly harmless old duffer whose sexual compass is pointing due confused..